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Meditation
Even though I consider myself to be introspective, I have never really had the pleasure of unimpeded meditation. It seems to me that whenever I try to sit in meditation, many thoughts come to take my attention away from my meditation such that I begin to daydream. Meditation is harder than I would like it to be.This is not to say that I do not have good moments when there is focus and one-pointedness and everything seems to be completely good. I remember one time when I started meditation at 12 midnight and Proceeded to continue for about two hours. I could feel myself breathing in cycles which were unusual as though I was doing one breath cycle every one minute. There were times during that sitting when I would breathe out for what seemed like an eternity and I wondered how that could happen. It seemed as though I was not breathing at all. All this time, my mind was clear and focused on what I was doing and I could witness everything that was happening to me internally. I remember another time when I was meditating in an old house and an eerie feeling came over me which made my hair stand on end and I could make out sounds that appeared to be made by metal on banging on metal which seemed to me to be stereotypical of scary scenes involving chains. I could hear the dog howling mournfully outside. They say that when dogs howl in that way, there are spirits moving about. I began to get visions of fearful shapes and faces that were truly terrifying and they seemed to threaten me in a non-physical way as though trying to insinuate their beings into my mind, trying to convince me how dangerous and terrifying they were. I remember thinking about what kind of damage they could do to me in that situation and I decided that these were merely operating on the mental plane and could not really do me any physical harm. I started getting annoyed with these fearful faces and noticed how ineffectual their antics were and I began to laugh internally as though bored with the absurdity of the whole thing. The fearful, terrifying faces promptly disappeared and never came back the rest of that night. Meditation is not so easy and like chocolates, difficult to predict what you're gonna get. |
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May, 2012
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